Kiss Me I`m Shitfaced

I play in a band, we're the best in the land 
We're big in both Chelsea and France 
I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar 
There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance 
So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty 
These other gals mean nothing to me 
Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night 
'Cause I'm more than a handful, you'll see 

[Chorus:]
So kiss me, I'm [bad word] I'm soaked, I'm soiled and brown 
in the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

I can bench press a car, I'm an ex football star 
with degrees from both Harvard and Yale
Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine 
I've had far better  while in jail 
I've designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour 
I cook the world's best duck flambe 
I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me 
I don't need these lines to get laid 

[Chorus]

I'm a man of the night, a real ladies delight 
See my figure was chiseled from stone 
One more for the gal then I'll escort her home 
Come last call, I'm never alone
I've a house on the hill with a red water bed 
That puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame 
With girls by the pool and Italian sports cars 
I'm just here in this dump for the game

[Chorus x2]

Ahh, [bad word] it. Who am I [bad word]  

I'm a pitiful sight, and I ain't all that bright 
I'm definitely not chiseled from stone 
I'm a cheat and a liar, no woman's desire 
I'll probably die cold and alone 

But just give me a chance, 'cause deep down inside 
I swear I got a big heart of gold 
I'm a monogamous man, no more one night stands 
Come on, honey, let me take you home 

[Chorus x4]