Mind of My Own

It's four o' clock
the t.v.'s on
my mind is shut off
and my own thoughts are gone
I change the channel
I change my mind
I change my life
I wanna leave it all behind
cause I don't have a mind of my own
I am influenced by
everything I see
and I can't help it now
everything in my life
just thinks for me
can't help this habit
I'm in love with my disease
worshiping my idle time
a life I cannot seize
trapped by depression
and I sleep all day
but xanax, valium, attavan
makes it all ok
it's so much more
than a cry for attention
no loving hands can sooth this ache
so much more than a war with the world
it's my own degradation
it's my own self hate
I preach my pessimism
right out loud to anyone who'll listen
I'm not afraid to be alive
I'm afraid to be alone
late at night my monsters find me
from under the bed or out of my past
all alone with nobody to talk to
sanity gets put to the test
I close my eyes but I'm still haunted
sometimes I get too twisted to sleep
as all my world [bad word] all around me
inspirations [bad word] admissions of defeat
cuz I don't have a mind of my own
everything in my life just thinks for me