Spades Noir

Greetings, useless peons, you've done terrible so far.
Treading venom pools for eons,
suffering with no scar!
Mercy everlasting, hiding who you are...
Welcome to the Dark Side,
my name is Jack Noir!

I'm the overlord of badass!
The shadow-magic priest!
Chosen ones cry out for mother,
of trouble, you're the least!
I really hate these stupid hats
and that stupid king!
That overarching monarch can shove someting...
Up his...
Thing!

Goodbye useless peons, you were horrible in life 
Jumped off the galleon without so much as a Strife
Arch-agent everlasting, I'll tear the sky ajar!
Good night everybody, my name Is Jack Noir!