All my carefully measured metaphor

All my carefully measured metaphor,
All my Flat 9 dominant seven chords
All my shtick, my lyrical trickery
All of those bows, all that applause

All my intertextuality
All my self-aware hypocrisy
All my rhymes, my irregular times
All my softly spoken sophistry.

All my make-up, all my lights,
All my photo shoots in tights,
All my pretensions, all my intentions
All my glitzy opening nights.

All my brow-dependent jokes
All my mirror balls and smoke
All my tilts at wit and whimsy
All my poetry, my swear words and my [bad word] 

Will never get as many hits as
Kitten Waking Up.