Anchored in Pain, Dead to the World

"May 1373 

I wished that sickness to be so severe that it might seem mortal, whilst I myself should think that I was dying, and everyone who saw me would think the same; for I wanted [bad word] from any human, earthly life in that sickness. I wanted to have every kind of pain, bodily and spiritual, which I should have if I had died, every fear and temptation from devils, and every other kind of pain except the departure of the spirit. I intended this because I wanted to be purged by God’s mercy, and afterwards live more to his glory because of that sickness; because I hoped that this would be to my reward when I should die, because I desired soon to be with my God and my Creator." 

- Julian of Norwich, Book of Showings