I don't want to be sad

I’m always so lonely, frustrated, and angry 
And I never know if it’s my fault 
Or if it’s just my brain working [bad word] wrong 
Cause I have got problems that I cannot withhold 
Cause I have got diseases that I cannot control 

And my feelings are at the mercy of my chemical imbalances 
And I’m trapped inside the torture of living with bipolar disorder 

And I always hate myself more than I hate anyone else 
I’ll always hate myself before I hate anyone else 
Cause I know I have earned it 
From years and years of treating myself like [bad word] 

And I want to believe that it’s not my fault 
And I want to believe that I can live a fulfilling life 
But I might not 
I might not