Permafrost

I've buried my joy and faith,
 those deceitful delusions
 And thus I've found a way
 to purify my mind from desolation

 What could I gain but suffering and deception,
 if innocence is lost?
 There is no cure for this tainted desire,
 when everything was done

 I am nothing but [bad word] 
 I end my life with no regrets
 And, falling on my knees,
 I'm still waiting to find redemption

 There is no cure for this tainted desire
 to expurgate the pain out of my head

 [bad word] ]
 My flesh is cold, I feel no pain -
 the bitter art of dying fast
 shroud of frost cover my skin -
 my bleeding soul is lifeless

 The barrel of gun against my head
 is like a promise to
 Release my fears on a wall of concrete:
 what a fine day to extinct

 What could I gain but suffering and deception,
 if innocence is lost?
 There is no cure for this tainted desire
 to expurgate the pain out of my head

 [bad word] 

 What is existence but a relentless demise?
 To live is to die, with no absolution
 Nothing could be saved, my heart is dry
 I bury my ego and choke my hopes
 I've cursed myself
 for this foretaste [bad word] or just a glimpse of light
 Ascending like a star I've discovered my own mortality

 [bad word] 

 I the one to blame If I've failed to live?