Oh...

Oh...
you can do it a sheep if you lead it astray,
or with a chicken, just part of the way
With a lion if you have that much pride
or with an elephant, if you're rather wide.
You can with a grizzly if you give him a hug
or with a bullfrog if you give him a bug
with a giraffe you can stand on a chair,
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

The hedgehog can never be buggered at all,
buggered at all, buggered at all x2

you can do it with a hen cos an egg'll fit in
or with a worm if you're pointy and thin
With a snake if you're incredibly long
with a gorilla if you're really that strong
with a boa constrictor if he's your main squeeze
with a big German Shepherd if you don't mind the fleas
You can with a snail, if you slow to a crawl
but the Hedgehog can never be buggered at all

chorus

With a cow if you're feeling in udder disgrace
With an alligator if you like toothy grins on your face
With a bat if you're gifted with wings
with a magpie if you like shiny things
With a cheetah if you love rather fast
donkey if you like a good old kick in the [bad word] ...
With an octopus if suction is your game
but the hedgehog can never be buggered at all

There once was a man
And his name was Prickly John
And his women used to ask
How he got those prickles on

And he'd give them a sigh
He'd sit down on a log
And say, "Well I tried my hand at buggering
That spiny hedgehog!"

chorus

With a jellyfish if you love things that quiver
With a wild wolf if you like raw liver....
With a bumblebee if you want it to swell
With a talking parrot if you're sure it won't tell
with a lemming if you like life on the edge
with a wren if you hide in a hedge
Or with a maneating clam if you can't afford a vasectomy....
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all