Pathways

and these years 
that i spent 
with you. 
with a twisted tongue. 
you were twisted 
in my lies 
in self hatred. 
and theres a space in my heart. 
-broken heart into four separate pieces. 
that can not be filled. 
cant be filled. 
it cant. 
this winter is so cold. 
but forever is burned into my heart. 
but forever will not come 
because i cant find my way back to you 
and you cant find your way back to me. 
im so sorry. 
i cant find you. 
and my twisted tongue 
held you back 
from everything. 
and now im here 
and im alone 
and i cant have anyone 
and no one can help me. 
and i cant do this alone. 
i cant [bad word] do this alone. 
god open the gates. 
open the gates because im losing it. 
and i cant do this on my own. 
god open the [bad word] gates. 
open the gates because this is it. 
everything isnt sure. 
i cant find you. 
and ive wasted all this time. 
ive wasted all this [bad word] time. 
ive wasted all this time and i cant find you. 
god. 
please [bad word] open the gates. 
this is it. 
this is it. 
you cant find me and i cant find you. 
ive wasted these years. 
putting pen to paper. 
hoping it would draw a pathway back to you. 
like some sort of map. 
but it wont. 
you will never find me and i will never find you. 
and there is a perminant space in my heart. 
-i... 
i will remember your name always. 
and no one will ever replace it. -will always love you. 
and god you better open the [bad word] gates. 
you better open the gates because its coming. 
im coming. 
get ready. 
im so sorry. 
i loved you more than anything. 
you saved my life once. 
save my life again. 
i cant do this alone. 
i cant replace the space. 
-why cant i get over you. 
hey god. 
open the gates. 
open the gates. 
open the [bad word] gates.