It's OK, I Wouldn't Remember Me Either

I don’t want to be awake again, 
I spend my days with my head in my hands. 
If I go outside I’ll fall apart. 
I am mostly scared of passing time, 
the world it seems gets more unkind. 
Inevitable tragedy will soon be mine. 

I am looking for an easy place, 
to mask my thoughts behind my face. 
Oh brown baked column of victory. 
Maybe I should just pack up and run away again, 
and let you forget that you were once my friend. 
Then watch another go on and do better without me. 

But I could not go away, not if I wanted to. 
I can hide from friends but I cannot hide from you. 
These chemical reactions are dividing me. 
Self-deprecating thoughts are interrupting all the time, 
emphasizing all the traits that I wish weren’t mine. 
They speak louder than everybody 
I try to keep my eyes closed as my outlook isn’t bright, 
compulsively complaining when I haven’t got the right. 
I hate the way that I think and act. 
I want to end reality but I feel hesitant, 
optimistic that the future will be more concerned than the present, 
and so for today I’ll remain intact.