A Song for People Who Never Watch Star Trek

There was this guy
His name was Jim
You can call him Kirk
Or the Captain
He had a tan
And lots of women
Every episode
He got to blow his l***

He worked with Spock
He was a rock
No emotion
Nothing could rattle him
His blood was green
And Pon Farr could make him scream
And lose control
Though that’s illogical

Each week they’d all warp through space
Fight an alien race
And the Vulcan would pinch a neck

If you want to learn more
Go to the video store
Or just listen to this
Song for people who never watch Star Trek

Then there was Bones
Dr. McCoy
Worked with Nurse Chapel
And removed the red shirt shrapnel

Chased the miniskirts
Screaming, “Dammit, Kirk!”
Wait that wasn’t him
He was screaming, “Dammit Jim!”

Each week on the Enterprise
All the red shirts would die
But no one noticed or got upset

And the next generation
Will watch in syndication
Or just listen to this
Song for people who never watch Star Trek

And for three seasons
You know what they’d do
They’d boldly go
With the rest of their crew

Like Scotty
He was a Scot
And Chekov
He screamed a lot
And Uhura
And Sulu
But let’s face it
After Kirk, Spock and McCoy
Who gives a f*** about the rest of the crew?