4. The Joker's Song (Wonderful Toys)

Joker (Spoken):
We are not amused!
Let me put it to you this way:

(Sung)

Where does Chicago get all that meat?
How does Venezuela get all their heat?
And where does Adidas find all their feet?
You'd like to know the answers, now, wouldn't you boys?
Well, tell me, where does he get all those wonderful toys?!

Where do all the Disney folk get all their toons?
How did Davy Crockett capture all those coons?
Why are all my henchmen only second-class goons?
If you know the answers then you make a joyful noise
And where does he get all those wonderful toys?!

How did Esmeralda get a hunchback to fall?
What exactly does a priest do when he answers the call?
How did Julius Caesar deal with all that Gaul?
Do you think I'm off my rocker, off the wagon, on a bender,
    on a (?), on a roll, I'm on a tear (?) the wall!
And how did Abercrombie and [bad word] up with so many boys?
And where does he get all those wonderful wonderful toys?!

I know what you're thinking, well, forget it!
(Well, forget it!)
I know what you're planning, you'll regret it!
(You'll regret it!)
I know who they are and where they've been and exactly what they're hoping to be!

They think they've been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me
Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me

They think they've been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me
Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me

They think they've been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me
Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me

They think they've been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me
Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me!

From the shores of Montezuma
To the halls of Timbuktuma

(Spoken)

Ugh! Timbuktuma?
Stop me before I rhyme again!

(Sung)

From the shores of Montezuma
To the tip of Timbuktu
You can see him everywhere these days
What did Batman do in Katmandu?

(Spoken)

Ooh, what a rhyme!
Eat your heart out, Stephen Sondheim!

(Sung)

I think that Captain Hook deserves
Appreciation for the way
That he could handle all those
Imbecilic, nauseating, stupefying, putrefying, mortifying
Little Lost Boys!

(Spoken)

But that's clearly off the topic which is obviously:
Where did he get all those wonderful toys?!

(Sung)

Where do all the country clubs get all their goys?
Where do all the Yiddish folk get all of their "oys"?
How do you stay away from all the awful hoi polloi's?
And make a joyful noise?!

Where does he get all those?
Where does he get all those?
Where does he get all those?
Where does he get all those?

Where does he? Where does he?
Where does he? Where does he?
Where does he? Where does he?
Where does he? Where does he?

(Spoken)

Ooh, that's very easy for me to say!

(Sung)

Where does he get all those wonderful toys?!

 [bad word] 

You'd like to know the secrets, well now, wouldn't you boys?
Well, where does he get all those wonderful toys?
You'd like to know the secrets, well now, wouldn't you boys?
Well, where does he get all those wonderful toys?

Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me
Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me

You'd like to know the secrets, well now, wouldn't you boys?
Well, where does he get all those wonderful toys?
You'd like to know the secrets, well now, wouldn't you boys?
Well, where does he get all those wonderful toys?

Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me
Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me

(Spoken)

Ooh baby, that's what I like!
Chantilly lace
And a pretty face
And a pony-tail just a'hangin' down
(I want a pony!)

Ooh, look at that one over there!
That's my beloved, my paramour!
Isn't she fine?
Well, to tell you the [bad word] 
I hate every bone in her body except mine!
Oh well...

Father, I want to kill you!
Mother, I want to...
Ha Ha Ha...!

Ooh, will this get me on TRL or MTV?
Ha Ha Ha...!

Look out, Rover!
And let Joker take over!
Ha Ha Ha...!

Doe! deer! I killed that deer!
Ha Ha Ha...!

Why don't [bad word] up to the lab
And see what's on the slab

Oh, look at her skin
Her skin's the colour mocha
Livin' La Vida Joker!
Ha Ha Ha...!

(Sung)

Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me
Been there, done that, seen it all, that's all they can see
Well, wait till they get a load of, get a load of me

(Spoken)

Will the real caped [bad word] 
Please stand up
Please stand up
Please stand up

My name is...
My name is...
My name is...
José Jiménez!
Ha Ha Ha...!