Chris Parnell: We’re sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman: Hello.
Parnell: So, Natalie, what’s the day in life of Natalie Portman like?
Portman: Do you really want to know?
Parnell: Yes, tell us…
Portman: I don’t sleep ... off that yak and durban
doin’ 120 gettin’ head while I’m swervin’
Seth Meyers: ... Natalie you a crazy chick
Portman: Yo shut the ... up and suck my ... I bust in dudes mouth like gushers ... roll up on NBC and smack the ... outta Jeff Zucker
Guys: What you want Natalie
Portman: to drink and fight
Guys: what you need Natalie
Portman: to ... all night
Don’t test when I’m crazy on that airplane glue
put my foot down your throat
till you ... in my shoe
leave you screaming
pay for my dry cleaning ... your man
It’s my name that he’s screamin’
Parnell: I’m sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?
Portman: I never said I was a role model.
Parnell: What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
Portman: All the kids lookin’ up to me can suck my ... It’s Portman mother ... drink till I’m sick
slit your throat
and poor nitrous down the hole
watch you laugh and cry
while I laugh you die
and all the dudes
you know I’m talkin to you
Guys: we love you Natalie
Portman: I wanna ... you too
P is for Portman
P is for pussy!
i’ll kill your ... dog for fun so don’t push me
Parnell: Well, Natalie I’m surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.
Portman: Well there’s a lot you may not know about me.
Parnell: Really? Such as?
When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
and snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse
and you gotta buncha dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a ...
Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad ... biiiiiiiitch (hell yeah!)
and I always pay for your dry cleanin
when my ... gets in your shoe (What!?)
as for the drug use
well I can vouch for that
my ... is scared of you
Parnell: Okie-doke. One final question, if you steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it–
(Portman throws chair at Parnell)
Portman: No more questions