Nineteen Years Young

I'm nineteen years young and my mind is weathered
I'm nineteen years young and things aren't getting clearer
Since '88 I've felt this hate
Suffocated by my inability
To [bad word] the unknown
Only fragments of memories I can't piece together
I can't turn inwards because I can't see
Because I can't fully understand
Who I was born to be
I have a family who will always love the me that they never see
My tormented soul ravages me
After a lifetime of praying [bad word] to an end 
Only to find my years of praying have fallen to deaf ears
 [bad word] from nowhere
Where was the beginning of it all
I've cheated, I've lied, I've stole, 
I've sold my soul, all in hopes of ending it all
The future I see looks bright but the lights are dimming
The future I see looks bright but the lights are dimming
But the lights are dimming
I'd pray to him if I thought he was real
I wouldn't question him if he could make me feel
Anything other than apathy
Anything other than certain tragedy
I've got not other choice but to have faith in life  
Regardless of the end
I must live my life
I'm seeing the world in black and white
As if everyday I live is a memory of another life
As if everyday I live is from another's life
From another's life
From another's