I Only Miss You When I Want To

I only miss you when I want to. I only miss you when I see you. But I can't stop seeing you around, I only miss you. 
But I still came off fighting when I was strong, and I always start fighting when I am wrong. 
But I'm always wrong, 
I only miss you. 
But I always find myself just fighting myself. 
I'm everything that never should have been anything. 
I'm a failure and I want to die in a way that I can be immortalized with all my sins behind me. 
But you caught me when I [bad word]  
you took me away from everything. 
I can't do this everyday. 
I'm looking for a way to say that I'm looking for a way to stay. 
So just stay the [bad word] away.