R U 'AVIN A GIGGLE, M8?

When to rek:
1) When sum [bad word] #39;s gabbin [bad word] at yer bird.
2) When sum bellend's disrespectin ur famly.
3) When the old bill's accusing u of sumfing only wot u never dun.
4) When sum dirty mosher [bad word] #39;s tryin to give u and yer m8s backchat.
5) When the bus driver tells ur main man, Little [bad word] #39; Kev, Yeah, that his daysaver is not valid.
6) When that cheeky fackin [bad word] Jeremy Kyle asks if ur familiar wiv the concept of contraception, innit.
7) When that poof wot teaches u maffs, Mr. Stewart, tells u to tuck ur shirt in.
8) When ur best m8 tells u that Pat Butcher givs im the proper horn.
9) When sum big black geezer asks if 'e can feel ur muscles.
10) When Darren tells u that ur sister noshed im off ranna back of the offie.
11) When that [bad word] [bad word] from the corner shop won't sell u no rizlas.
12)When sum lil mug asks yer "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?"

How to rek:
1) il bash ye fookin ead in i sware on me mom
2) if u got sumthn 2 say say it 2 me face
3) ur a lil gey boi lol i cud own u irl fite me
4) 1v1 fite me irl fgt il rek u
5) u better shut ur moth u cheeky lil [bad word] 
6) i swer 2 christ il hook u in the gabber m8
7) do u evn lift m8?
8) il rek ur fokn [bad word] i swer 2 christ
9) il teece u 4 spekin 2 me lik that u little [bad word] m8
10) ???
11) cheeky [bad word] 

u wot m8? i swer u are one cheeky [bad word] mate, say it to my face and not online and we'll see what happens. i swer 2 christ I'll hook you in the gabba. you better shut your mouth or im calling me homeboys rite now preparin for a [bad word]  [bad word] thatll make your nan sore jus hearin bout it. yer in proper mess ya nob head.