Scandal in Belgravia - Secret Meeting

Assistant: He's on his way.
You were right,
he thinks it's Mycroft.

John Watson: He's writing sad music.
Doesn't eat, barely talks,
only to correct the television.

I'd say he was heart-broken,
but, er, well he's Sherlock.
He does all that anyway.

Irene Adler: Hello, Dr Watson.

J: Tell him you're alive.

I: He'd come after me.

J: I'll come after you if you don't.

I: Hmm, I believe you.

J: You were dead on a slab.
It was definitely you.

I: DNA tests are only as good
as the records you keep.

J: And I bet you know the record keeper.

I: I know what he likes.
And I needed to disappear.

J: Then how come I can see you
and I don't even want to?

I: Look, I made a mistake,
I sent something to Sherlock for
safekeeping, now I need it back.
I need your help.

J: No.

I: It's for his own safety.

J: So is this.
Tell him you're alive.

I: I can't. 

J: Fine, I'll tell him
and I still won't help you.

I: What do I say?

J: What do you normally say?!
You've texted him a lot!

I: Just the usual stuff.

J: There is no usual in this case.

I: (reads the texts) "Good morning.
I like your funny hat".
"I'm sad tonight, let's have dinner".
"Hmm, you look y on Crimewatch,
let's have dinner".
"I'm not hungry. 
Let's have dinner".

J: You flirted with Sherlock Holmes?

I: At him. He never replies.

J: No, Sherlock always replies
to everything.
He's Mr Punchline.
He will outlive God trying
to have the last word.

I: Does that make me special?

J: I don't know, maybe.

I: Are you jealous?

J: We're not a couple.

I: Yes, you are.
There, "I'm not dead. Let's have dinner".

J: Who the hell knows about
Sherlock Holmes? But for the record,
if anyone out there still cares,
I'm not actually [bad word] 

I: Well, I am. Look at us both.