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Game of Thrones (Ultimate Birthday Rap Battle)
автор:
Stagefivetv
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Welcome to Kind’s Landing, a city of kings and whores where everything can happen. Yes, quite right. Do be careful, ‘cause [bad word] s about to get real’ Do be careful, ‘cause [bad word] s about to get real’ Hoooo Well, I’m the [bad word] King Robert Baratheon, wrathful and nasty When I drop the [bad word] hammer, invade like a pathogen Now gimme three whores, so I can smack that [bad word] again And build a bigger orphanage to put all my [bad word] in. Me wife’s a brother [bad word] and a straight-up [bad word] Who gave me three blonde [bad word] but her daddy is rich Wine! All this [bad word] lickin’’s makin’ me sick I thank the gods that a boar put a tusk through my pancreas. CERSEI: I gestated my bro’s DNA... TYRION: Not mine. CERSEI: ...throught my inbred kids were okay But I’m afraid that... NED: Joffrey is a half-wit, demented, sadistic piece of [bad word] JOFFREY: You better say that I’m the king or I’ll chop of your head I’ll put your genitals in the genital jar I keep in a drawer beside my bed. SANSA: Your grace. JOFFREY: Yes, give her a gift, hit her in the face. Women are so weak and weary bring her back when she has her period. Burn the traitors, crush the North, kill the babies, [bad word] the poor, I’m so bored with cutting out tongues, but I’m gettin’ it down, mutilating whores. MARGAERY: Is this yours? JOFFREY: Yes, it is. MARGAERY: Talk about killing, I love that [bad word] Stabbing, hacking, blood and guts. JOFFREY: Hold on, I’m about to [bad word] VARYS: Sadly, I cannot. PYCELLE: No [bad word] quite right. BAELISH: sorcerer cut off your junk, we know. At least it wasn’t your head. VARYS: Poor Ned Stark. What will the North do? PYCELLE: My [bad word] is like baking soda. VARYS: The Stark bannermen? BAELISH: Why are they so [bad word] happy? ROBB: Yeah, yeah! We fight for independence, it’s a glorious day ‘cause I married for love, and it’s cool with the Freys Yeah, we’re heading to a wedding, gonna party today And I’m gonna be a dad? God, everything’s great! CATELYN: Winter is coming. ROBB: So we’ll hang out inside! CATELYN: But Winterfell burned down, Robb ROBB: Look on the bright side. Lemme hear my Starks: are we doin’ alright? BRAN: Father’s dead, we’re homeless, and I’m crippled for life. RICKON: I’m hungry. ARYA: I’m alone in the middle of a war. SANSA: I love the [bad word] boy, but I married the dwarf. ROBB: See that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, we’re havin’ a ball. LYSA: I’m gonna breastfeed Robin ‘til my [bad word] fall off. ROBB: Brienne, how’s it going with the Kingslayer? BRIENNE: Rapists have me and I’m fighting a bear! ROBB: Cool! How’s it hangin’, Theon? THEON: Realy bad! ARYA: I met a lady who had demons in her wag! EVERYBODY: We are the North Side, ey! Doin’ it our own way! ROBB: Hey, it’s my boy - Jon Snow! What up, Jon? SAMWELL: Um, hello. We’ve got a bit of a problem at the Wall. It’s... It’s a bit nippy... and... JON SNOW: This [bad word] Whitewalkers! [bad word] s crazy, I’m freezin’ to death with Thieves and rapers, Had to swear off if I could take it back, I’d take the black Shove it up Craster’s [bad word] but it’s too late for that, With zombies surgin’ south. SAMWELL: I’m out. JON SNOW: I’m gonna die a virgin now, But wo-day, they was a wild woman took me into a cave, got undressed SAMWELL: You saw [bad word] JON SNOW: Yeah, and we had... Cave ! SAMWELL: Cave ? JON SNOW: Yeah, cave ! SAMWELL: You knew where to put it! JON SNOW: Oh, cave ! SAMWELL: I forgot to send the ravens. JON SNOW: I’m havin’ cave ! SAMWELL: Cave ! VARYS: Seven hells ROBB: Who is that? ROBERT: It’s the Targaryen girl JOFFREY: Sound the alarms! ROBERT: She’s come to take back the Seven Kingdoms. ROBB: Well, it’s more like six Kingdoms now. JOFFREY: Hide me with the children! ROBB: You know since
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