Epic Rap Battles of History #12

William Shakespeare:

Come bite, my thumb!
I hope you know the stakes
I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades!
Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?
I hath been iambic on that [bad word] ye [bad word] \nMy rhymes is classic
Your [bad word] is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid
Ye hoebag
You're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag
And no gonads
Egads it's so sad
And to top if off you're not a doctor
I've never seen a softer author
You crook, you
I bet you wrote the Twilight books too

Cat In The Hat:

I would not could not on a boat
Read any of the boring [bad word] plays you wrote
Even Horton doesn't to hear you 
And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you
You bore people to death
You leave a classroom looking like the end of MacBeth
I entertain a child of any age
You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page
How you gonna battle with the Cat In The Hat?
Little kids get scared when I step on the mat
You think your ruffled neck [bad word] gonna rap to that?
I got a best selling book about me coming back

William Shakespeare:

I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces
Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features
You're pathetically predictable
You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter
And some ghetto Muppet creatures
The Bard is in the building it's a castle, I'm a boss
I bet I'm Parliament I'm positive I'm killing it
I'm iller than the plague I never caught or cholera a baller baller
On some cricket bowler business while you're sitting in the bleachers.

Cat In The Hat:

You rap fast you do
Yes you rap fast it's true
Now let's see how you rap
Versus Things 1 and 2

Things 1 & 2:

Oh, No We'll smash your globe
Yo, you may have wrote the script but now we running the show
You can take your fancy words and send'em back home to your mama
Break our foot off in your [bad word] with our feetie pajamas
Man we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs
We'll break offa your legs make no mistake we in a rage
All does not end well when we bust out our cage
You gettin' upstaged Bill yo, you just got played!