Even If It Kills Me

I’ve got a lotta things to do tonight
I’m so sick of making lists
Of things I’ll never finish
I’ve lived here for the last 12 years
Since early 1995 all my [bad word] has been in boxes
But if I had a little more time to kill
I’d settle every little stupid thing
Yeah you’d think that I would

But I’m too tired to go to sleep tonight
And I’m too weak to follow dreams tonight
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try to get better and
 [bad word] each moment
In my own way

I wonder if I’ll ever lose my mind
I tried hard for awhile
But then I kind of gave up
Winter is killer when the sun goes down
I’m really not as stubborn as I seem
Said the knuckle to the concrete

But I’m too tired to go to sleep tonight
And I’m too weak to follow dreams tonight
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try to get better and
 [bad word] each moment
In my own way

I’m not saying that I’m giving up
I’m just trying not to think
As much as I used to
Cause never is a lonely little messed up word
Maybe I’ll get it right some day
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try
I feel helpless for the most part
But I’m learning to open my eyes
And the sad [bad word] of the matter is
I’ll never get over it
But I’m gonna try
To get better and [bad word] each moment
In my own way

I sure want to get back on track
And I’ll do whatever it takes
Even if it kills me