Sadly Smiling Through

You're talking like you're leaving
You said it's your heart and not my call to
Make you feel like feeling
You were so ashamed when I fell on my two feet again
And God I hated your friends
I gave you love they could never buy
Or even try to understand
The part of me that it came from
Don't you see that
 [bad word] 
Sadly I'm smiling through
All the [bad word] that you took
And the lies that you told me
There's nothing that I can do
With the promise you rendered
That you'd never remember [bad word] back for you
It hurts so much to feel all this pain
And so I haven't felt lately [bad word] back for you, back to...

Did you even notice it when I changed?
'Cause I could score in your heart,
But I could never place
And did I forget to say
I was so proud of you
When things were caving in
And things were tough, I know
I didn't say that I loved you enough
But just cause I wasn't saying it
Doesn't mean that I wasn't thinking it
 [bad word] 
Sadly I'm smiling through
All the [bad word] that you took
And the lies that you told me
There's nothing that I can do
With the promise you rendered
That you'd never remember [bad word] back for you
It hurts so much to feel all this pain
And so I haven't felt lately [bad word] back for you, back to...

And my confusion made clear
 [bad word] 
Sadly I'm smiling through
All the [bad word] that you took
And the lies that you told me
There's nothing that I can do
With the promise you rendered
That you'd never remember [bad word] back for you
It hurts so much to feel all this pain
And so I haven't felt lately [bad word] back for you, back to you