Gaston

[Gaston:]       Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with
                the wrong man! No one says "no" to Gaston!
[LeFou:]        Heh heh. Darn right.
[Gaston:]       Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly Humiliated! Why, it's
                more than I can bear.
[LeFou:]        More beer?
[Gaston:]       What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
[LeFou:]        Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself
                together.

                Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
                Looking so down in the dumps
                Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
                Even when taking your lumps
                There's no man in town as admired as you
                You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
                Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
                And it's not very hard to see why

                No one's slick as Gaston
                No one's quick as Gaston
                No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
                For there's no man in town half as manly
                Perfect, a pure paragon
                You can ask any Tom, [bad word] or Stanley
                And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

[Chorus:]       No one's been like Gaston
                king pin like Gaston
[LeFou:]        No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
[Gaston:]       As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
[Chorus:]       My what a guy, that Gaston

                Give five "hurrahs!"
                Give twelve "hip-hips!"
[LeFou:]        Gaston is the best
                And the rest is all drips

[Chorus:]       No one fights like Gaston
                Douses lights like Gaston
[Cronie:]       In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
[Bimbettes:]    For there's no one as burly and brawny
[Gaston:]       As you see I've got biceps to spare
[LeFou:]        Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
[Gaston]        (That's right!)
                And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

[Cronies:]      No one hits like Gaston
[Townsman:]     Matches wits like Gaston
[LeFou:]        In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
[Gaston:]       I'm espcially good at expectorating
                (Ptooey!)
[Chorus:]       Ten points for Gaston!

[Gaston:]       When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
                Ev'ry morning to help me get large
                And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
                So I'm roughly the size of a barge

[Chorus:]       No one shoots like Gaston
                Makes those beauts like Gaston
[LeFou:]        Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
[Gaston:]       I use antlers in all of my decorating
[Chorus:]       Say it again
                Who's a man among men?
                And then say it once more
                Who's the hero next door?
                Who's a super success?
                Don't you know? Can't you guess?
                Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
                There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
[LeFou:]        And his name's G-A-S- T -
                G-A-S-T -   -
                G-A-S-T-O  -  oh!
[Chorus:]       Gaston