Spiraling

I leavin' life behind
Was I livin' life at all
I still need [bad word] and hide
Or have I really found the answer
 [bad word] 
Over and over again, I am spiraling into nothing
Over and over again, I am spiraling into nothing

What I mean is I don't know
Exactly what it is I mean
The thing I don't wanna do I do
What I wanna do I don't
 [bad word] x2