This Is My Life

[Verse 1]
In December of ‘81 way before rhyme was relevant 
child was born during a winter storm to Evaline 
My pops was Eddie, I don’t really think he was ready 
The [bad word] left me [bad word] near as I came out the belly 
From what they tell me from day one I have always been heavy 
Not weight wise, they say I have been here already 
I’m starting to believe em, sparking my weed 
And I’m coughing and wheezing, I talk with demons 
Ghosts are real, I swear to God I see em 
In the back of my mind I travel back and through time 
When I was nine and I would practice this rhyme 
But my step-pops said stop or get your head popped 
If I did not I swear ahk he’d put me in headlocks 
My feet dangling, just kicking his thighs 
He’s six two, I’m three five, eye to eye we meet high 
See I got pain bottled up so deep 
And so much stress it’s like my first CD on repeat 
Number nine when I rhyme and these herbs see me 
Up on stage with artists raised they’re like hey look at Reef 
Then I’m okay but when I lay at the end of the day 
I’m dealing with grown men issues and I’m still underage 
Underpaid and overworked, I feel like I’m worthless 
I kept these facts under wrap but now I pull back the curtains 
Till my situation reverses these verses will serve the purpose of 
Cleansing my soul until it’s dirtless yo
[Chorus]
You don’t know what it’s like to be me (This is my life) 
And y’all swear I got it so easy (This is my life) 
But you don’t know the half, believe me 
The pain in my heart exceeds me, ask my [bad word] Sleepy (This is my life)
So much stress, ain’t nothing changed dawg (This is my life) 
So I get high until my brain’s gone (This is my life) 
Until the pain’s gone, the same song that plays on 
In my head making my days long (This is my life)
[Verse 2]
I stare at these questions, my rhymes are my homework comparing these lessons 
Preparing for my weekly therapy sessions 
Aggression and anger combined with a weak mind, that’s danger 
The eyes of a painter trying to paint the eyes of a stranger 
That’s why it’s hard for me to open my heart 
When those I let in have just stepped in it 
And broken my heart, not just women 
But those who claimed to be my niggas too 
Those fake father figure dudes, I figured you would try to reach me 
Eventually you try and leave me but why did you leave me? 
The only question to you I pose, I’m okay though 
I’m still alive, trying to survive in this Holocaust maze 
Spend my days in a daze wanting to fly away 
It’s hard to stay focused when these jokers in your face 
Just to get paid but yet my pockets is still flat 
My knowledge is still intact but as years go by dawg I feel that 
I’ll never make it, record execs like, “You’re not good enough.” 
Kid face it, the next stop hip hop sanctum 
My mother’s basement remembering the good old days 
I can’t take it, the possibility I never sign a deal 
It didn’t matter now I’m getting older, it’s getting colder 
I need a shield or career, year or two I have to be noticed 
The greatest rapper since the other two were massacred, at least they were famous 
I’m popular to you but everywhere else I’m nameless 
I guess that’s how the game is, the older I get the younger I wish I still was 
No longer deal drugs but still get high to feel love 
I’m real buzzed for a minute then it begins to escape me 
These demons I pushed behind are forcing themselves to face me 
Maybe I’m crazy, nah I think I’m too sane for my own good 
I know I zone hoods to find what makes me spit like this 
And tick like that and I flip like that and if I fall I get right back 
On the right track until I’m dead gone 
But the only tracks I follow are the ones in my headphones, yo
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
This nine-to-five grind got my mind losing its juices 
Come inside and you’ll find that even though I’m popular and I know how to rhyme 
Everything ain’t what it seems, I just know how to lie