The Lonely Shepherd

There’s a girl in the village called Sally
And her beauty is truly divine
But Sally, alas, has a husband
So Sally will never be mine.

But one night when her husband was sleeping
She invited me out for some fun
I still dream of that one night with Sally:
She’s the only girl I’ve ever done.

When I dream of that one night with Sally
As I’m here watching over my flock
These feelings start building inside me
I don’t know what to do with my smock.

Now my master’s at rest
And the stars have come out
I think some of you have guessed
What this song is about:

I wonder what it feels like to kiss a sheep?
I’d sit beside a young one in the mud
Would she lead my tongue inside her mouth like Sally did?
Or pull it down her throat and chew the cud?
Would she nibble at my ears at all, and pin me up against the wall
And book us in a very cheap hotel?
I wonder what it feels like to kiss a sheep?
But I mustn’t lie with beast, I’ll go to hell.

I wonder what it feels like to touch a sheep?
Would she slip a hoof inside my underwear?
Would she tell me what feels good for her like Sally did
Or look upon me blankly and go “maaaah”?
Could I fit all my hand inside, and would I leave her satisfied?
Do sheep prefer a little more vibration?
I wonder what it feels like to touch a sheep?
But to lie with beast, it is abomination.

I wonder what it feels like to lick a sheep?
Do you think that I could find her magic button?
I imagine she would smell like pecorino cheese,
Or maybe she would taste a bit like mutton.
And if my sheep is like her breed, by following where others lead
Perhaps she’d find the time to lick me too.
I wonder what it feels like to lick a sheep
And will it make her love me if I do?

I wonder what it feels like to love a sheep?
I bet it’s bloody quick and feels amazing.
Then I’d turn away and count her friends and fall asleep
It wouldn’t even interrupt her grazing.
I’ll call myself an oviphile. Of course we’ll do it sheepy style.
My cries of joy will echo through the valley.
I’ll discover what it feels like to love a sheep
And as I give my milk, I’ll shout out:
Sally!