Unloved

Closer to May, I open all my windows 
and sit for hours on the sill 
staring at the sky 
thinking 'bout things that don’t depend on us. 

My faded eyes like distress calls 
Like wounded sinking ships in the sea of an unawareness 
This boy never waits for summer 
and never asks himself 
"Is it wrong to stare in the mirror and see no familiar face?" 

Walking alone 
I'm unwanted by my homeless home 
These walls, these doors 
My traitors and watchdogs 
Trying to hold my breath 
Cast down my eyes 
(I'm ready) 
To pretend that I don’t recognize their faces. 
They're here not with me (not to me) 
Surely, they want me to leave 
How many times have I asked God, just let them imagine how it feels to be unloved. 
My hell is paved with your good intentions. 
Your recklessness and indifference made me dead 
because the best thing you have ever said - "Shut up and go to bed" 
Because the best thing that I've ever had - "Shut up and go to bed" 

Lay on the floor 
Never answer the phone 
You gave me reason to waste myself alive 
There’s no sense in different colors of walls 
There’s no use in deceptive softness of beds 
These long days won’t seem to get shorter 
No measure 
To rate this meaningless 

Release me! 

I heard the story of a boy who saw the world 
Jumping from the highest point to the ocean with no shore 
He dreamt about the struggle, but the waves were so unkind 
I see him every day, but I can’t feel peace of mind 

"Rye fields are calling 
Mist from them is crawling into my room 
It whispers my name and i have no place to hide 
From this sweet and luring sound" 

Life slipped away through my fingers like a wine 
Love that you've lost burns my fingers, burns my eyes 
This world is unknown, so alluring, shines so bright 
Here, under sill, under window, under sill 
It's better than this stuffy hated room 
Where I'm burning and dying, almost breathless and weak 
I will have my revenge, I will try the taste of life 
Just one step, down the window, not sick, fed up