The Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues

Old Bilbo found a ring. It was The One Ring of the Dark Lord.
Yeah, Bilbo found a ring. It was The One Ring of the Dark Lord.
Now I'm hunted by a schizo called Smeagol or Gollum, he's out of his gourd.

Well, Sauron tortured Gollum, but the slimy runt got away. 
Mmmm, Sauron tortured Gollum, but the slimy runt got away. 
Now he's leading me to Mordor, wonders if Sam and I are [bad word] 

I got the Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues.
I got the Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues.
And if Smeagol don't betray me,
The Dark Lord'll make Headline News.

At the Gates of Mordor, Smeagol said, "There ain't no way!" 
[There ain't no way, my Precious-s-s]
At the Gates of Mordor, Smeagol said, "There ain't no way!" 
[Silly hobbits-s-s, follow Smeagol]
Said, "I'll take you to Shelob. She'll have a hobbit filet."

I got the Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues.
I got the Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues.
And if Smeagol don't betray me,
Sauron'll make the hobbits wear shoes.

Well, we climbed Mount Doom, but the ring made me all whacked. 
[Out of my mind] 
Yeah, we climbed Mount Doom, but the ring made me all whacked. 
[I don't know what I was thinking]
So Gollum bit the ring off, and did a Swan Dive in the Crack. 

I got the Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues.
I got the Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues.
And if Smeagol don't betray me,
Middle-Earth'll sing The Dark Lord Blues.

I got the Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues.
I got the Psychopathic, Chronic, Schizophrenic Gollum Blues.
And if Gollum'll just betray me,
I'll finally take that Elven Cruise.