Maria

She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee

Her dress has got a tear

She waltzes on her way to mass

And whistles on the stair

And underneath her wimple, she has curlers in her hair!

I've even heard her singing in the Abbey!

She's always late for chapel

But her penitence is real

She's always late for everything

Except for every meal!

I hate to have to say it, but I very firmly feel,

Maria's not an asset to the abbey!

I'd like to say a word in her behalf

(Then say it Sister Margaretta)

Maria makes me laugh!

How do you solve a problem like Maria

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down

How do you find a word that means Maria?

A flibberty-gibbet

A will o' the wisp

A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she'd ought to understand!

But how do you make her stay

And listen to all you say?

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with her, I'm confused

Out of focus and bemused

And I never know exactly where I am!

Unpredictable as weather

She's as flighty as a feather

She's a darling

She's a demon

She's a lamb

She'd out-pester any pest

Drive a hornet from his nest

She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl

She is gentle, she is wild

She's a riddle, she's a child

She's a headache, she's an angel

She's a girl!

How do you solve a problem like Maria

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down

How do you find a word that means Maria?

A flibberty-gibbet

A will o' the wisp

A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she'd ought to understand!

But how do you make her stay

And listen to all you say?

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?